To lose a friend...

It was a first time for me yesterday. Though it was not unexpected it was a bit hard to accept- it still is. I broke up with a close friend yesterday. For the first time I took such a decision and stood by it.
I dont have many people who I can call my close friends. It has always been very hard for me to make friends. And if I do they never get very close to me. In fact I dont allow them too close. I like it that way. It is always better to be safe than sorry.
But very few, without my knowledge get very close and dear to me. And these few friendships are the ones I really cherish. The person in question was one such friend. This person became my friend in the shortest time. I still wonder how we became so close in so short a period. And this is the first close friend I have lost.
I have heard people say (and also believed for sometime) that true friendship lasts forever and all that jazz. Perhaps. Perhaps I only thought ours was true friendship. Perhaps it never was. Perhaps I pre-empted a lot. And assumed a lot. And expected too much. At this point I am reminded of a friend's words:
"There are times when we, after walking together for a long time, suddenly realise we are complete strangers." I think this is one of those times in my life.
Anyway, what happened had to happen at some point. If not today then tomorrow. It was never unexpected. Things had reached such a deadlock that this was the only way to resolve it. And I believe whatever happened is for the best. I was always warned against going out of my way to hold on to grains of sand in my fist- the tighter I try to hold the grains the faster they slip between my fingers. I think I did exactly that- tried holding on to the friendship for too long a time for comfort.
I paid my price. So what? I did learn my lesson in the process. Thats what matters ultimately.

Thought of the Moment:

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. Robert Brault